How to Be a Bridesmaid (with Pictures) (2024)

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Co-authored byMegan Papageorge

Last Updated: April 15, 2023References

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   Volunteer to help out with planning. If the bride needs help, it's appropriate for bridesmaids to step in and lend a helping hand if it's within reason. Always ask first. If the bride has a very specific vision for her wedding, she may get frustrated if you're not following this when helping her with plans. As long as you communicate with her throughout the process, however, it can be very helpful to do things like help look for venues, find hotels for out-of-town guests, and offer to make phone calls or e-mails for the bride to be.^[1]

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   Do extra tasks without being asked. To be a great bridesmaid, offer to do a little something extra. Small things can help a wedding stay fun and low stress. For example, bring the bride some of her favorite snacks for stressful events to make sure she's eating. Add a little fun to events like bridal showers by making a playlist for the bride.

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   Go dress shopping with the bride. Most brides want to consult their bridesmaids when it comes to picking out the gown for the big day. Make sure the bride knows you're schedule so she can plan a dress shopping trip with you and the other bridesmaids so you can help her pick the dress she wants.^[2]

   • Remember, a bride will want an honest opinion, so don't be afraid to offer genuine feedback. However, keep your feedback constructive and kind.
   • For instance, instead of saying, "That cut isn't flattering on you," you can say something like, "It's a beautiful dress, but I'm not sure it's really your style."
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   Attend all pre-wedding ceremonies. Make sure get out a calendar right away and jot down the dates of all the pre-wedding ceremonies. As a bridesmaid, you'll need to go to things like bridal showers, engagement parties, rehearsal dinners, and other pre-wedding traditions.^[3]

   • In addition to attending, know what's expected of you as well. Make sure to bring gifts when necessary, give toasts if you're asked, and adhere to the dress code. It's okay to ask the bride of whoever is coordinating events about the expectations.
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   Pick out a great wedding gift. It's easy to forget a gift, given all the other expectations of being a bridesmaid. However, gifts are vital wedding etiquette. You can look at the couple's registry to see if they have anything listed in your price range. You can also pick something on your own if you know the bride and groom's tastes well.^[4]

   • If money is an issue, something sentimental can go a long way. For example, give the bride a photo album of pictures of the two of you over the years.
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   Coordinate with the other bridesmaids. Start an e-mail chain or text message chain with the other bridesmaids so you can exchange ideas and figure out everyone's schedule. You can figure out one another's strengths so everyone can play a unique part in the wedding planning.^[5]

   • For example, if one bridesmaid is great at floral arrangements, have her take the lead in decorating for events. If another bridesmaid has a lot of connections to local businesses, let her do things like find venues for big events.

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   See Also

   What Does a Bridesmaid Do? A Complete Guide to Key DutiesWant to Be a the Best Bridesmaid EVER? Here's How!Bridesmaid Duties: What Do Bridesmaids Do? - Yeah WeddingsThe Bridesmaid Duties: A Full Breakdown - Zola Expert Wedding Advice

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   Remember the wedding is about the bride. One of the most important things about being a bridesmaid is putting the bride first. This is her big day and you should be respectful of her decisions and plans.^[6]

   • Let the bride lead the way in planning the wedding and choosing things like a theme, color scheme, and so forth.
   • If the bride asks for guidance, it's okay to share your opinions about the aesthetics of the wedding. However, unless you're specifically asked, try not to push the bride to make any decisions.
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   Accept the wardrobe decisions. If the bride decides on a dress or a color for your dress, do not complain. While you may not think a particular shade or cut is flattering on you, remember the day is about the bride. Brides may become stressed or frustrated if people complain about their choices, so it's best not to add any unnecessary pressure.^[7]

   • Even if you hate the dress, feign enthusiasm. It's important the bride feel supported.
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   Do not complain to the bride. Being a bridesmaid is stressful, especially if you have a bigger role like maid of honor. Planning events and making travel arrangements causes a lot of anxiety, but do not complain about this to the bride. You do not want to make the bride feel guilty for asking you to be in her wedding.^[8]

   • If you need to vent, vent to a friend, family member, or significant other over the bride.
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   Be interested in the bride's plans and feelings. When the bride tells you about her plans, always listen. Act interested and exciting by doing things like smiling and nodding and offering encouraging comments like, "I bet that will look so beautiful." Brides want bridesmaids who are as enthusiastic about their plans as they are, so always listen when the bride needs to talk.^[9]

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   Flatter the bride a little. Many brides may feel insecure or nervous about their big day. To boost the bride's self esteem, flatter her a little. Tell her how great she looks in her dress. Bring her tiny presents if she's had a long day. For example, invite her out for a co*cktail on you if she's had a long day of wedding planning.^[10]

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   Start planning early. Start planning as soon as you hear the news you're going to be a bridesmaid. Make a spreadsheet or document on your computer with the contact information of the wedding party. Jot down the dates of big events on your calendar. For events without a date set, e-mail the bride and groom with your availability as soon as possible. The sooner you start planning, the smoother things will go.^[11]

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   Let the maid of honor take the lead. The maid of honor was chosen because she knows the bride well. She's generally the best person to plan big events as she'll understand the bride's tastes. Let her take the lead when it comes to planning things like engagement parties and bachelorette parties. Always listen to her plans first before making your own suggestions.^[12]

   • It's okay to build on the maid of honor's ideas, especially if she asks for feedback. Just do not change them altogether. If she suggests a 1920s theme for the bridal shower, help her brainstorm ideas about decorations and wardrobes. However, do not insist on a different theme altogether.
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   Plan for everyone's budget. Not every bridesmaid has the same income. To avoid any drama or tensions, make sure to account for everyone's budget. Talking about money is a sensitive subject, so make sure to ask privately about budgeting.^[13]

   • In general, try to set a lower budget that's within reach for everyone. For example, cap the amount that can be spent on wedding gifts at around $100.
   • You can also plan low cost events to avoid putting financial pressure on other bridesmaids. For example, do a low-key BYOB wedding shower at someone's house instead of picking an expensive venue.
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   Make events fun for the bride. Remember, the wedding is about the bride. Any events leading up to her wedding should be fun for her. Think about her tastes and passions when planning events like bachelorette parties.^[14]

   • For example, if the bride loves roller coasters, have a bachelorette party at an amusem*nt park.

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   Stay present throughout the day. It's important to stay in the present during the wedding so you can be there for the bride. Keep an eye on the bride and offer to help her with anything she needs, like greeting guests, putting on her dress, or doing her makeup. If you feel stressed, put yourself in the bride's shoes. As this is her wedding, she's probably feeling significantly more stressed than you.^[15]

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   Wear comfortable shoes. In order to stay present and alert, you need to be as comfortable as possible during the wedding. Wearing comfortable shoes, like flats instead of heels, is a small change, but one that can make a significant difference during the big day. If shoes are uncomfortable, they can easily distract you from your duties as a bridesmaid.^[16]

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   Manage conflict between other bridesmaids. Unfortunately, fighting sometimes happens on the wedding day. If bridesmaids are bickering with one another, be the peacemaker. If someone is being difficult, gently remind her the day is about the bride.^[17]

   • Avoid gossiping with other bridesmaids, as this can cause additional tension.
   • If the bride needs to vent about a troublesome bridesmaid, let her do so. However, stay neutral. Avoid bashing her friend or family member, as this may make negative feelings worse.
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   See Also

   A Complete Guide to Bridesmaid Duties

   Stay positive throughout the day. Even if you're not having fun, pretend you are. It's important the bride feels everyone is enjoying her big day. Smile throughout the day and talk in an excited, animated voice when conversing with guests and other members of the wedding party.^[18]

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   Drink in moderation. Alcohol is usually a big part of any wedding. However, you need to stay present as a bridesmaid to support the bride if she's in need. This means you should drink in moderation, if at all. Getting sloshed may distract you from helping out the bride.^[19]

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